The Complexities of Christmas

Christmas in Norway   

This song by Joni Mitchell and James Taylor haunts me:

It's coming on Christmas,
They're cutting down trees.
Putting up reindeer
Singing songs of joy and peace,
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

But it don't snow here,
Stays pretty green.
I'm gonna make a lot of money
Gonna quit this crazy scene.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long,
I would teach my feet to fly.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I made my baby cry.

She tried hard to help me,
She put me at ease.
She loved me so naughty,
made me weak in the knees.
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I'm so hard to handle,
I'm selfish and I'm sad.
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I've ever had.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on...

I'm copying and pasting a column by Cynthia Kiteley Lee which I found interesting and thought-provoking...

The Complexities of Christmas   
 Cynthia's Column
by Cynthia Kiteley Lee, Founder and Administrator 
Mystical Order of the White Rose

Joy (to the world) and Peace (on earth goodwill to all) are central themes of Christmas.  They are wonderful ideals and energies that some of us carry like warm coals close to our hearts in the cold days of December. 

The words peace and joy appear over and over again on Christmas cards, in Christmas carols, and are spelled out in the Christmas lights that, along with many other Christmas light decorations, brighten our longest nights of the year and enchant us with their brightness and beauty. 

And yet, Christmas can be very complicated, challenging, and far from peaceful and joyful for many of us who celebrate it, as well as for many who don't celebrate it, but who are strongly affected by the pervasive and unavoidably extreme cultural focus on Christmas and its many traditions and expressions during most of the weeks of December.

There is great and ever increasing diversity in our nation and in the religious and spiritual affiliations and celebrations of its citizens.  December has many Holy Days and celebrations other than Christmas, the best known of which in the United States are: Hanukkah, celebrated by the Jews (eve of December 2 through the eve of December 10); The Feast Day of Our Lady of Guadalupe, the patron saint of North America (December 12); Yule, the Pagan/Wiccan celebration of the Winter Solstice (December 21); and the African-American celebration of Kwanzaa, which emphasizes African traditions of unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and faith. (December 26 to January 1).  To view the dozens more December Sacred Days and Days of Remembrance from a dizzying variety of traditions, visit this link for The Mystic's Wheel of the Year--A Multi-faith Calendar Reflecting Eco-Egalitarian Spirituality:

http://www.wheeloftheyear.com/2018/1218.htm 

There are also many people who are atheists or agnostics without any spiritual or religious conceptual framework or affiliation, who may or may not choose to embrace some of the Christmas celebration traditions in an essentially secular way.  Honoring and embracing diversity calls upon us to be sensitive and tactful.   As mystics, contemplatives, and monastics we are able to help create and maintain peace on earth and extend good will to all,  regardless of our or their spiritual and religious affiliations (or lack thereof).  I assure you that our spiritual and religious affiliations are extremely diverse, and often include a relationship with more than one spiritual or religious tradition.

The Economics of Christmas

There is an extreme retail sales focus on Christmas, especially in the United States, where we have long been considered to be a country and people consumed by consumerism.  The definition of consumerism is: "the theory that an increas-ing consumption of goods is economically desirable; also: a preoccupation with and an inclination toward the buying of consumer goods.[1]"

The intense emphasis on Christmas-related shopping and purchases has created a backlash or "push back" from many Americans who feel that Christmas has become tainted and corrupted by its heavily promoted consumer frenzy aspects.  Those who feel this way often choose to limit or altogether withdraw from the celebration of Christmas. 

Christmas is typically the largest annual economic stimulus for many nations around the world.  In the United States:  "The holiday season is just around the corner and it’s truly the best time of the year for both consumers and retailers of all shapes and sizes. Since the recession in 2008, Christmas holiday retail sales in the United States have grown steadily.  In 2018, Christmas retail sales were forecast to grow to about 719.17 billion U.S. dollars; a 4.55 percent increase from the previous year. The amount of money that U.S. consumers plan to spend on gifts has also increased. [2]  Christmas is also a boon for people wanting employment, as hundreds of thousands of seasonal sales clerks are hired to help handle the sharp spike in sales.

The Not So Merry Aspects of Christmas

There are many stressful and challenging aspects of the Christmas season, even though the usual activities and traditions of the season are deeply cherished and enjoyed by many of the people engaging in them, while others (grinches?) consider them just one more energy and/or money-draining obligation on a too long to-do list. 

Many of these Christmas season stresses are related to the complex logistical, time, task, and financial management aspects of the approximately month-long Christmas season (typically from Thanksgiving Day in late November through Christmas day in the United States).  These can include: erecting and decorating one or more Christmas trees; mailing Christmas cards and parcels of presents; shopping for and wrapping presents; attending Christmas parties; going to Christmas community events (parades, Christmas light tours, fairs, taking children to visit "Santa Claus" at the mall); attending Christmas-themed cultural events (concerts, plays, movies); decorating for Christmas, which can be simple or elaborate, depending on personal proclivities; and oftentimes hosting and cooking for Christmas eve or Christmas day family and/or friends gatherings, and accommodating out of town overnight family and friends.

Just thinking and writing about all these activities makes me feel a bit tired; actually undertaking and completing them can be exhausting.  Drinking alcohol-laden eggnog, punches, and wines and liquors; and consuming sugar and carb-heavy Christmas cookies, pies, cakes, and other delicious foods at Christmas parties; combined with some late nights of partying--while they can all be wonderfully enjoyable--tend to upset our physical form and its processes, and take awhile to recover from.  

There is also Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a mood disorder subset in which people who have normal levels of mental health most of the year exhibit depressive symptoms at the same time each year, most commonly in the winter.  Common symptoms include:  sleeping too much, having little to no energy, and overeating (Wikipedia). The primary cause of this disorder is believed to be related to the reduced amount of daylight in the autumn and winter months.  Light therapy is available to help to reduce the negative impacts of this disorder.

 Other stresses of the season have to do with the complexities of the human heart and psyche, and the sweet--and sometimes not so sweet--memories we have of  celebrating Christmases in the past with family and friends who have died, chosen to end their relationship with us (or vice versa), or who live far away. 

The human heart and psyche are deep and rich and multi-layered, harboring enormous depths of abounding love and forgiveness, and deep, even soul deep, woundings by family and loved ones.

Negative thoughts and intense negative feelings about our past and present close relationships--or the lack thereof--are often triggered by Christmas-related activities during the weeks leading up to it, causing painful periods of grief, depression, and negative reflections about ourself and/or others, and our lives.  

I have a friend whose wife died this November.  They were happily married for 47 years, and spent the last 47 Christmas season celebrations together, so this holiday season has been and will continue to be painful for him, despite the loving support of stepchildren, step-grandchildren, and old friends.  The 24-year-old son of a woman I know died suddenly earlier this year; this will be her first Christmas without him.  She too has supportive friends and other family members, but this traumatic loss is likely to haunt her holiday celebrations. 

My husband Richard's son, who is now 22-years-old and in college, chose to end all interactions with his dad more than four years ago. Prior to this they would see each other two or three times a year for a meal in a restaurant that usually took place with his sister and were not made known to their mother, who divorced Richard about 10 years ago.  Richard was a passionately engaged and stable, loving father to his son and daughter (24-years-old) who relocated with their mother to another town in Mississippi when his son was 12 and his daughter 14.  Even though there were legal child custody rulings that gave Richard generous visitation privileges, his ex-wife (who had/has some mental health issues and was physically and verbally abusive to Richard and her daughter) did not comply with them and pressured her son to not be at home whenever his father arrived for a scheduled visit. Richard's daughter chose to maintain a very loving relationship with her father, but after physical and verbal abuse from her mother for doing so when she was a teenager in high school, she chose to keep her visits to and interactions with him secret. The passage of time has many healing properties, but some wounds don't heal quickly or completely.

A priest in a church I attended years ago often told members of the congregation to "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle," a quote from Ian MacLaren.  Whether we are fighting internal battles or struggling with painful memories, thoughts, and feelings ourselves--or not--during this Christmas season, as agents of love and grace, empathy and compassion, we can give ourselves and others the gifts of unconditional love; nurturing our and others' bodies, minds and spirits; extending kindness; affection (including giving and receiving touch and hugs); offering intercessory prayers; and compassion. 

The Joys of Christmas and Other December Holy Days

The particulars of our December winter sacred celebrations vary widely, but the common threads that join us in the family of humanity are: love of family, reverence and respect for our family's religious and cultural traditions and beliefs, joy in family gatherings and celebrations, joy in experiencing  the songs, chants, music, and rituals associated with the celebrations, and pleasure in the consumption of special holy day/holiday foods and drinks.  In the northern hemisphere we also rejoice in the return of the light; the shift in solar energies that causes the days to grow gradually longer, and the nights shorter.  This shift begins after the Winter Solstice (December 21).

As for peace, we may be able to experience it personally, but millennia of human experience make it clear that our world is not (yet) a peaceful one in terms of the absence of external conflict, war, hatred, and violence. Inner peace is a gift to ourselves, others, and the world we live in, and is a powerful energy that radiates outward in subtle yet profoundly positive ways through spiritually-grounded individuals, groups, and communities. 

Fortunately, the universal spiritual practices of meditation, prayer, reflection, and contemplative and compassionate living support us in connecting with deep and nourishing levels of joy and peace, and maintaining them in the midst of life's many challenges and complexities.

Christmas at Hogwarts